by Stephanie L. Ogle
TGIF! Or is it? In this day and age, it can be downright frustrating as well as expensive to be hittin’ the nightclubs and bars come the weekend. But for the single woman not wanting to be sitting home on a Friday night snuggling with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s “Cherry Garcia” ice cream, hair in a ponytail, and peel-off cucumber mask on the face, the “club” seems a better option. So you plan with the girls to get all dressed up, psyched up and go out to dance with and hopefully meet a really nice brotha. The plan sounds solid and its off to the club you go. Upon pulling into the parking lot, viewing the men waiting in line outside, you think to yourself “What am I getting myself into?”.
You and your girls approach the door to get the now commonplace “weapons” scan/purse check/pat down. During this process, you’re being gawked at like a piece of fresh meat by the looming “Club Vultures”. It gets even more aggravating hearing the same lines pitched by hormonally charged men once inside. Leaving you feeling as if along with them having to pay cover to enter the club, they were given a quickie “Player Lines That Work” class, these men one after one talk about how beautiful you eyes are (even though the place is dark or very low lit); they comment on how nice your hair is (even though their eyes have never ventured above you neckline; they even talk about their new “role” in your life as your “new man”. Say what?! Maybe they are just confident. Maybe they are psychic. 8 times out of 10 they are to be AVOIDED…quickly.
The following are just a few of the types of “Club Vultures” ladies should beware of:
· The “Dusty Vulture” ~ This type of vulture usually is trying to revive the “70’s retro” look with hairdo, clothes and in the pocketbook. He still thinks drinks are $1.50. He also smells of “Old Spice” with a hint of “Ben Gay” and “The Hustle” is his favorite dance.
· The “Talkative Vulture” ~ This vulture is probably one of the most dangerous. He may at-first-glance seem to be a great conversationalist but he’s simply collecting information so that he can pounce later. The “Talkative Vulture” will get your name, age, car make & model, high school GPA and the fact that you used to have a crush on Todd Bridges before he took to a life of crime, before the night is through.
· The “Oh-No-He-Just-Didn’t Vulture” ~ Always in fine form, this vulture has his feeding ground, the nightclub, covered from the front door to the ladies room. He will bump-n-grind, whisper sweet nothings in your ear, get you all interested in him then when you get the courage to give him your number, better yet ask him for HIS, he replies: “I kinda already got a girlfriend…”. Oh no he just didn’t!!!!
So sistahs, take heed, beware. The Club Vultures are a growing breed. Get to bird watching!
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