Guest Author - Paula Petrie

“Manners are the happy ways of doing things; each once a stroke of genius or of love, -- now repeated and hardened into usage.” Ralph Waldo Emerson.

A few nights ago my husband drove 45 minutes to take our son to a basketball game at a rival school. The game was forfeited when only three team members showed up. The practices all seem similar, in that some kids show and some don’t. The burning question for me is why don’t parents teach children responsible governance over their affairs. How do we hope to raise responsible considerate kids if the children aren’t “shown” how be respectful.

A friend of mine became upset when her two-year-old daughter bit another child for taking her toy. The mom said her daughter knew how to say “no” and that was the proper response. The dad, on the other hand, was thrilled that they were raising a child brave enough to stand up for her rights.

Families have varying views when it comes to being polite and respectful, but there are common courtesies. My parents were constantly on me to speak respectfully, to use please and thank-you, and to consider the feelings and well-being of those around me.

But, to give respect children have to learn to respect themselves. Self respect is about who we are and not about what we have. Children need to be able to accept responsibility for their own actions, their decisions, and their mistakes Children with healthy self respect are less apt to lie, keep secrets, or become a drain on society.

Self respect is necessary to fully understand the importance of respecting others. With healthy self-respect a child is less apt to blame others when things go wrong, or to create situations where he or she feels guilt or regret.

Even a very young child will respond to feeling respected and can than be taught to be respectful. Be empathic to your child’s emotion or feelings, it gives her the sense of being respected and cared about. And she in turn will respect herself, her feelings, and you. Yelling and demanding alienates you from your child and eats at everyone’s self respect.

You can lead a child to math but you can’t make him think. But you can and should show examples and offer support with math equations. This is also true with morals. Kids need to be shown respect and have their own respectful actions reinforced, until just as the time’s table, courtesy or respect are second nature.

Early on, being pushed into situations of showing respect can be a lesson in bumbled words and embarrassment. Eventually, a genuine interest in being someone of polite and respectful character develops. Saying “excuse me,” or offering a seat, or kindness, to an elderly person strengthens the humble graciousness tied to a child’s growing sense of self, and self respect.