Guest Author - Chris Clark


At a very young age, our sons learn that they are expected to play with trucks and trains, while girls have fun with dolls, dressing up and playing house. So what should parents do when their young son chooses a Barbie doll as his "must have" present for Christmas?

The Boy Code
According to William Pollack, a Harvard psychologist who has studied children´s behavior for years, males are expected to follow "the boy code". Pollack, author of Real Boys : Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood, says that the Boy Code is "a set of rules and expectations that come from outdated and highly dysfunctional gender stereotypes: the idea that boys need to keep their emotions in check; that violence is an acceptable response to emotional upset; that their self-esteem relies on power; and that they must reject any and all signs of feminine qualities."

Encouragement
When boys shows signs of breaking this boy code, i.e., by playing with dolls, we as parents should encourage them to do so. Don´t stereotype him by pushing gender specific games such as "war" or "cops and robbers". Let your son make his own decision about whether he wants to play dress up

or play with his dirt trucks. Exposing him to all types of play experiences, and not just those "geared" to boys, will help develop his creativity and make him more sensitive to the differences between men and women. Remember - boys who are allowed to be sensitive and gentle are more likely grow up to be happily married men and nurturing fathers.

It is also important to keep in mind that your son´s preference for dolls is NOT an indication of his sexual preference. Experts say there´s little reason to believe that feminine play is a precursor to homosexuality in boys. In fact, if parents try to control play, they may be doing more harm than good. By deterring your son from playing with Barbie dolls and other "girlie" toys, you may force him to end up resenting you and taking this as a criticism of who he is.



So if your son asks for that Easy Bake Oven or Barbie Dream House for his next birthday, don´t panic! Embrace the fact that he is showing an interest in things other than that which society "expects" of him. Encourage your son´s sensitive side to come through by allowing him to play with dolls. Most importantly, be accepting of your son no matter what he chooses to play with!